We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
