bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize