All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Randomize
