we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
