I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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