As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
So how did finding that girl you know on GGW go?
I was so pissed when it just previews her all covered up. It would have been easier to just have sex with her
Yeah but then you would have a case of genitals gone wild
OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
