Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize