apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
