oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
