Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
