party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
Randomize
