My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize