I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
