i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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