just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
