I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
