Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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