You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
