I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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