Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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