pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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