i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
Randomize
