my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
