I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Randomize
