Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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