He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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