In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
