you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
