I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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