I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
