I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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