I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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