Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
