I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
