i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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