I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
I wear drunk well.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
