I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
