Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
