Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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