Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
