brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
