Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
