Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
