how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
