so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
You smell like stripper and shame
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
