Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
