I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
be right there i have to get my cape
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
