thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
