I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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