i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize