I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
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