if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
