So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Randomize
