She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
