...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Randomize