its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
