Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
there is glitter all over my balls
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
