i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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