i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
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