I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
