I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
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