Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
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