...so i touched it.
new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
