You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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