ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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