Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Randomize
