I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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