I have demons in me.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
