i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
