Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
