Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
As shirtless as possible
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
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