FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
