its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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