Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Need sex. Gaining weight.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
