He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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