Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
