my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
