Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Randomize
