I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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