OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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