So drunk, too bad you don't want this
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
