Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
