I could make wine with my vomit
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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