there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
