Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
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