You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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