All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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