I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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